If you happen to’ve damaged issues off with a narcissist, you most likely know what occurs whenever you don’t reply to a narcissist textual content.
They may even double down on the poisonous habits simply to punish you for breaking free.
They’ll use texting (and different means) to both provoke you or draw you again in each time attainable.
So, it pays to know what to look out for and how one can reply.
After studying this submit, you’ll additionally know when to not.
Is It Value Replying to a Narcissist?
No matter function they nonetheless play in your life, you’re below no obligation to let the narcissist drag you into one pointless, agonizing argument after one other.
Generally, one of the best response is none in any respect.
- After they criticize one thing about you or one thing you’ve executed;
- After they use a passive-aggressive dig to get a response from you;
- After they attempt to love-bomb you again into the connection.
That final one is particularly pernicious. It’s straightforward sufficient to disregard petty barbs and important feedback.
It’s one other to metal your self towards the narcissist’s makes an attempt at rekindling one thing with you—particularly if a part of you continue to yearns for the nice occasions you had.
We get it. Perhaps, at their greatest, the narcissist was the human incarnation of erotic love and romance. They knew what buttons to push. It’s tempting to allow them to have their manner with you from time to time.
Besides now, you understand the price of letting them have their manner. And your freedom is price extra to you than a second’s bliss.
That mentioned, in some conditions, a couple of alternative phrases will do you extra good than silence:
- After they disregard your request to do one thing in your (shared) kids;
- After they attempt to guilt you into doing one thing that’s not in your greatest pursuits;
- After they textual content you in any respect hours and wish a (temporary) reminder of your waking hours.
If blocking them isn’t an possibility (e.g., you share custody or parenting time together with your youngsters), you may nonetheless make it extra rewarding for the narcissist to respect your boundaries — and fewer rewarding to violate them.
How you can Reply to a Narcissist Textual content: 11 of the Finest Comebacks
So, what’s one of the simplest ways to reply to a narcissist textual content message? By now, you’ve acquired some sense of their patterns, and you should utilize that to your benefit. Use the guidelines described under to information you. And make a remark of those you discover most useful.
1. Establish their cause for texting you.
The extra conscious you’re of the narcissist’s motives for texting you, the simpler it’s to know whether or not and how one can reply.
Get clear on why they’re texting you and what they’re after earlier than deciding if you wish to textual content them again. Use what you’ve realized out of your time with them.
What are their common techniques to get your consideration? What do they sometimes need from you? And what has labored for them prior to now?
2. Decide whether or not to answer in any respect.
It’s not all the time sensible to answer to a narcissist textual content message.
Usually sufficient, responding does extra hurt than good—even if you happen to handle to maintain your cool and deflect their petty arrows. It nonetheless drags you right into a psychological area that’s exhausting and contributes nothing to your well-being or anybody else’s.
Every time attainable, depart the narcissist to their very own poisonous musings. You’ve acquired higher makes use of in your time, power, and headspace.
3. After they’re searching for a battle, don’t have interaction.
The narcissist could strive to attract you into an argument utilizing petty criticism, passive-aggressive digs, or blatant insults. Resist the pull.
Except it’s essential reply, ignore their makes an attempt to get your hackles up.
Lock these hackles down. The narcissist isn’t price it. And you understand they’ll do no matter it takes to win an argument or, on the very least, drag you down into their private hellscape. As a result of how dare you’ve gotten a very good day until they’re those chargeable for it?
4. When mandatory, reply—don’t react.
The narcissist will undoubtedly keep in mind what’s labored prior to now to get a response from you. And typically, silence solely provides gas to the fireplace. Or it emboldens them to do worse.
So, if it’s essential reply to their provocative texts, maintain it easy and to the purpose. Don’t react in the way in which they (clearly) count on you to.
Preserve your calm, and allow them to know you’re not the simple mark they nonetheless assume you’re.
5. When attainable, follow “sure” or “no” solutions.
Preserve your reply brief, clear, and concise. Get to the purpose shortly, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down any tangents that don’t have any bearing in your reply.
Every time attainable, give a easy “sure” or “no” reply and depart it at that. Resist the urge to elaborate or launch right into a tangent of your individual.
That brings us to the following tip.
6. Resist the urge to clarify all the things.
No means no. You don’t should justify each sure or no reply. And also you achieve nothing by attempting to make them perceive.
If the narcissist calls for a proof, and you understand they’d solely use it to select aside or dismiss your reasoning, calmly decline. You’ve given your reply, and whereas they could need a proof, they don’t want one.
While you let go of your want to clarify your self, they’ve one much less lever to drag.
7. Don’t be fooled by the love bombs.
If love-bombing has labored prior to now, the narcissist could strive it once more to see if they will get what they need from you—or if they will get you again below their management.
If they fight luring you right into a shared recollection of your greatest occasions collectively, calmly resist.
It helps to recollect the moments that led to the break-up and the narcissistic traits which might be nonetheless very a lot behind their habits towards you.
8. Set and implement agency boundaries.
Except there’s an emergency, your ex has no enterprise texting you throughout your sleeping hours or whenever you’re at work and anticipating a immediate response.
Granted, when kids are concerned, and also you’re navigating shared custody or visitation rights, there will probably be some scheduling changes on either side.
But when your ex is anticipating you to do most (or all) of the adjusting, it’s time to make your boundaries and expectations clearer.
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9. Use the leverage you’ve gotten.
Merely asking your ex to select up one among your youngsters or meet you for one thing you must do collectively may not get the gratifying response you’re hoping for.
If you understand your youngster enjoys their time together with your ex, use that. Let the narcissist understand how a lot your youngster appears to be like ahead to seeing them. Perhaps you’re not eager in your ex’s firm, however the youngster who loves you each actually is.
And that could be simply what the narcissist needs (and even wants) to listen to.
10. Keep optimistic or impartial.
We’re not saying you need to all the time be optimistic or spin all the things into sunshine and rainbows. That’s not life like, and also you’ll simply find yourself annoying everybody, together with your self.
When positivity feels inauthentic or pressured, neutrality is your best choice.
It’s higher to evaluate a state of affairs with “It’s what it’s” than to drive your self to discover a silver lining when there isn’t one. Generally, one of the best you are able to do is acknowledge the reality of the state of affairs and describe it in impartial language.
11. Preserve your feelings shut.
I do know it may be brutally troublesome to stuff all these feelings into just a little field and reply to your ex as if you happen to’ve flipped a swap and really feel nothing. It’s one thing we regularly want we may do round individuals who harm us. The much less you’re feeling, the much less they will harm you.
However whenever you’re texting (reasonably than speaking face-to-face), it’s not less than simpler to maintain emotion out of your response. Use that to your benefit.
Now that you understand how to reply to a narcissist textual content message, what ideas stood out for you? Your state of affairs is exclusive, so some factors usually tend to resonate than others.
Nonetheless, you’re not alone in what you’re going by way of or the hoops you must leap to maintain your sanity and to guard any kids you would possibly share together with your narcissist ex.
What is going to you do in another way as we speak?